After It's Over Read online

  “How is he?” she asked. She gently set the album on the table in front of her, not daring to open it.

  I don’t want to cry in a public place, and I just might if I see Kade’s face. How awful would that be?

  “Great. My boy is doing well. He went to the University of Washington. I know he always said he’d be a Cougar, but he became a Husky like his old dad. Did you know that?”

  Paige nodded. Of course, she knew where he went to college. She had heard bits and pieces of information from high school friends. The waitress returned with a coffee for Dr. Sorenson and a Rum and Coke for her. She gratefully sipped her drink.

  “I never pegged you as a drinker.”

  “Um…”

  Paige sat back against the wall of the booth and stared at her glass. She was half Irish and drinking was just a way of coping in her family. She’d never given the habit a second thought. She wanted to be cool, to wave a hand dismissively and say that her drinking was none of his business, but she couldn’t. Dr. Sorenson had known Paige for a very long time and at one point, he was more of a father than the one who had raised her. Her face crumbled and tears welled up in her eyes. She made several attempts to speak, but only ended up choking on her sobs.

  Dr. Sorenson took her hand and patted it. “There, there.”

  Finally, Paige cleared her throat and wiped her eyes with a paper napkin.

  “My fiancé cheated on me and dumped me. I’ve been drinking ever since.”

  Dr. Sorenson nodded, as if he understood her pain, though she highly doubted he did. Kade’s parents were high school sweethearts that had endured the Vietnam War, cancer and the death of their oldest child. Their marriage was the stuff of romance novels and cheesy Rom-Com movies.

  “Church is a healthier place to grieve than a bar, dear.”

  “I haven’t been to church since before…I mean I haven’t been to church since my mother was alive.”

  My presence only seemed to make people uncomfortable, and I haven’t known what to believe in for a very long time.

  “I see.” Dr. Sorenson stroked his chin for a moment. “That boy cheating on you and leaving you—it had nothing to do with you. It was about him.”

  “How can I not blame myself? It’s me everyone chooses to leave. I’m just not worth sticking around for.” Paige sobbed, blamed the Rum for her honesty and chugged the rest of her drink.

  “I have a son that—after thirteen years—is still waiting for you to come around. He never would have left you, Paige.”

  The waitress returned and pointed to Paige’s empty glass. Dr. Sorenson politely asked her for water and not a refill.

  “I don’t deserve to be happy,” Paige said in a small voice that barely carried above the noise coming from the adjacent bar.

  He frowned. “You most certainly do, but until you believe that, it’s just going to be one unhappy relationship after another.”

  She nodded and dabbed her eyes with the paper napkin.

  “I believe in you, Paige, and I know that when the time is right, you will find your way back to the people who truly love you.”

  She smiled at Dr. Sorenson. He smothered a yawn as his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled the phone out and squinted at the screen.

  “My wife is coming to pick me up. Are you okay to drive home?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” He nodded and frowned. “That album is what you’ve missed in these many years, and I suppose it’s a reminder of the life that you could still be a part of. Not sure my boy would have appreciated me showing it around the church anyway. He just got a commendation and I was hoping to show Father John pictures from the ceremony.”

  “Commendation? Since when do doctors get commendations?”

  “You didn’t hear? Kade is a police officer. He decided after…” Dr. Sorenson faded off, and then cleared his throat. “Let’s just say he was very affected by what happened to your parents and it inspired him to take a different career path.”

  “I had no idea,” Paige chewed on her lip.

  My life’s course wasn’t the only one completely and totally altered. Their deaths changed Kade too.

  “He’s a good cop. Of course, he would have made a fine doctor too.”

  “I don’t doubt it. Are you sure it’s okay for me to keep this?” she asked.

  She rubbed the cover as if it were a magic lamp that could suddenly produce a genie that would make all of her misery disappear.

  “Yes, I insist that you do.” Dr. Sorenson stood up from the table. “I’m going to head outside and get some fresh air. They don’t let people smoke in here anymore, but it’s still a stinky place.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I wish you the best of luck and if you decide by some chance that you ever want to see Kade, he is still a creature of habit. He still works out at the same time every day in the same old gym, still grocery shops every Tuesday after work in the Proctor district.” Mr. Sorenson winked. “You know, just in case you wanted to run into an old friend.”

  “Thank you.”

  Paige felt a twinge of pain as Dr. Sorenson left her sitting alone. She wanted to chase after him, give him a huge hug, and try to bring back the happy times of which he reminded her. But she didn’t. Instead, she had sat there for an hour, drinking water and studying every single photo in that book. She watched Kade grow up through pictures from an innocent high school baseball star to a determined sheriff. To someone who hadn’t loved him, the subtle changes in his eyes and smile wouldn’t be obvious, but Paige could see how the tragedy in her life had altered him too. He lost his innocence, and clearly found a different calling in life. He had traded the gentle ways of a healer to become what appeared to be a mighty protector.

  Would he have become a doctor if I hadn’t left? Guess I’ll never know. I need to see him.

  ***

  “Paige!” Ben pounded on the bathroom door.

  The noise caused her to flinch; she slammed the album shut and jumped to her feet. Guiltily, she stared at the closed door. “What?”

  “There’s one working toilet in this house, so if you’re not using it, will you please let someone else?”

  “Uh, yeah. Sorry!”

  Paige quickly shoved the album back under the bathroom sink and returned the boxes to their rightful place. She paused to straighten one because she hated it when things didn’t sit at a ninety-degree angle. With a sheepish grin, Paige unlocked the bathroom door and opened it. To her utter shock, Ben stood on the other side with a tray in his hands and a triumphant grin on his face. She stared at the scrambled eggs, sausage and toast that he held in his hands. There’s even a flower.

  “Is this for me?”

  “Of course! Come get in bed, and I’ll serve you.”

  Paige speechlessly moved toward the bed as her stepdaughters filed into the room.

  “I wanted to surprise you. Did it work?” Ben asked, as he set the tray down in front of her.

  “I’d say she looks more shocked than surprised,” Bianca said. “I’m pretty sure if you did stuff like this more often she’d have a completely different look on her face.”

  “Shut up, Bianca,” Billie said.

  “You shut up!” Bianca replied. She pushed Billie and the little girl took a step backward.

  “Girls!” Ben’s voice was sharp. “Stop fighting with each other. I swear that’s all you two ever do.”

  “No, it’s not. Most of the time Bianca is on her phone with that guy—”

  “Billie, stop!” Ben said. He gave the girls a menacing look. “You’re ruining Paige’s special breakfast,” he growled. “Surprise! You get breakfast in bed. I lied about the toilet still being broken. I fixed it on Saturday while you were with your brother.”

  From the way Ben smiled at her, Paige felt like she was supposed to throw flowers at his feet or something.

  “Thank you?” she replied.

  “You’re welcome,” Ben said.

  “
When he says he fixed it, he actually means that he called a really expensive plumber,” Bianca smirked.

  “Oh. Well, that’s…Did you help make breakfast?” Paige asked.

  “Yep. That dude only knows how to make hot dogs,” Bianca replied.

  “And toast,” Billie said.

  “No, he burned the toast. I had to make the ones on the plate,” Bev said.

  “Girls!” Ben snapped at them.

  “What’s the occasion exactly?” Paige couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that all this niceness was covering up a mess bigger than the bathroom toilet.

  “We wanted to celebrate you being here,” Billie answered.

  “Yeah?” Paige said.

  “You being here makes us a family and for that—” Ben said.

  “For that, we all wanted to say thanks,” Bianca said.

  Paige tried to smile as they took turns hugging her. She sat on the bed and ate the food, while they congratulated themselves on a job well done. She laughed as they joked about Ben’s cooking, trying with all her might to feel like this was her family and her place was with them. But she didn’t. Paige felt like a fish in a bowl that she just wasn’t hers.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “Why don’t you let me drive?” Bianca dangled the keys to the Jeep in the air.

  Ben paused in his search of the family room for his cell phone.

  “Did you really just ask if you can drive my car?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” Bianca replied.

  She leaned against the back of the couch while Billie looked bored, standing next to the door to the garage with her backpack on. Ben took his keys from his oldest daughter and sighed.

  “You’re fourteen, Bianca.”

  “So? Madison’s dad takes her down to Price and lets her drive his truck.”

  “Well, we aren’t from Utah. We don’t own farmland or allow our children to drive before the legal age.” Ben ran a hand through his hair. Between making breakfast and the search for his phone, he was going to be late for work.

  I need to find my phone.

  “Oh, so we’re talking laws now, are we? Because I’m pretty sure—”

  “Should we get in the Jeep or the van, Daddy?” Billie asked.

  Ben caught the angry glare that Bianca threw at her youngest sister. “We’re taking the Jeep provided Paige didn’t blow out the clutch.”

  She just had to take my car.

  “What does that mean?” Billie asked.

  “Um, hello? I thought we were discussing my first driving lesson,” Bianca said. She folded her arms across her chest and gave her father an expectant look that irritated him.

  This kid is going to either drive me nuts or make me gray. Or maybe both. Things were so much easier when Paige handled everything.

  “Are you crazy? You driving? That’s just nuts,” Billie said.

  “What’d you say, shorty?” Bianca demanded. She shoved Billie, who stumbled backward into the wall.

  “Ow!” Billie rubbed her head.

  “Knock it off, Bianca!”

  “You’re such a little brat. You were an accident, did you know that?” Bianca said.

  Billie’s lips turned into a frown and she began to cry.

  “Was I an accident, Daddy?”

  “Um…” Ben looked around.

  I’m late for work, my youngest is crying, my oldest is glaring at me and I just realized I haven’t seen Bev since we served Paige breakfast.

  “Where’s Bev?”

  “I’m here,” Bev said. She sat up on the couch where she had been unseen. “We’re going to be late.”

  “I know, I know. Has anyone seen my phone?”

  His eyes went to Bianca. She tilted her chin slightly, widened her eyes and shook her head.

  She always makes that face when she’s lying or covering something up.

  “Where is it?” His voice had an edge; he was tired of Bianca’s constant demands over the last two days.

  “I don’t have it.” She stared at him as if she were daring him to a greater challenge.

  Was I this big of pain as a teenager? No, I was worse. Okay, what motivated me?

  “Give me the phone or you’re grounded.”

  “There’s a dance on Friday night. You can’t ground me,” Bianca replied.

  Slamming his fist down on a nearby coffee table, Ben shot back. “I’m your father, I can ground you anytime I want.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Oh, just try me.”

  Billie’s tears and sobs came to an abrupt halt. The climate in the room changed. Billie inched closer to the door and Bev got off the couch. She walked over to where Billie stood. Bianca slid her backpack off one shoulder and let it fall to the floor. Putting her hands on her hips, she stared unflinchingly at him.

  What is this? High noon?

  “I told you: I don’t have it.” Bianca’s voice was monotone.

  This kid is like steel.

  Ben frowned. For the first time, he saw his daughter as a stranger and not the cute little girl who had once been anxious to sit in his lap while he read Goodnight Moon over and over again.

  No, the little girl is clearly gone. She’s been replaced by a liar.

  The clock on the wall ticked loudly; Ben was really late for work. Bianca’s eyes were filled with contempt; she refused to budge. The noise of Paige’s movements on the second floor caught his attention. He considered calling out to her and asking her to deal with Bianca.

  I can handle my own kid, right?

  “I know you’re lying, Bianca. You make the same facial expressions every time you do.”

  “He’s right. You always tilt your chin like that,” Billie said.

  Bianca gave her a nasty look and the little girl recoiled and stepped behind Bev.

  “Maybe I have it, maybe I don’t,” Bianca snapped.

  “Give me the phone.” Sweat broke out across his forehead and his armpits were damp.

  “Let me drive.”

  “I said, ‘no’.”

  “I said, ‘yes’.”

  She’s got my phone, which means she’s seen the messages from Beth and that other girl who’s name completely eludes me right now. If she shows them to Paige I’ll be stuck as a full-time single father.

  “Give me the phone now, Bianca!”

  “No, Dad!”

  Ben wiped his forehead and looked at his other two daughters. They were still young, cute and woefully ignorant of what a lousy human being he was.

  Why couldn’t Bianca have stayed young and cute like them? Think, Ben. What motivates this kid? She’s a fourteen-year-old girl. How complicated can she be? Ah, yes. I know exactly what will motivate her.

  “Give me the phone, Bianca, or I will go upstairs, change into my dirty wife-beater and boxers and walk you to class.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Not only would I, but I might even carry a sign that says I’m Bianca’s father.”

  Bianca’s bottom lip quivered; Ben knew he had her on the ropes.

  “Fine. Here!” With a flick of her wrist, Bianca pulled his phone out of her jacket pocket and tossed it on the floor.

  Relief quickly gave way to anger. “Why’d you take my phone?”

  “I wanted Mom’s number.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I deleted her number after her last binge, and I wanted to call her.” Bianca bent down, picked up her backpack, and wiped her eyes.

  “I don’t understand. I thought you weren’t speaking to your mom.” Ben scratched his head.

  What does Evelyn want now? I bet it’s money.

  “I wasn’t, but then I got a letter from her on Saturday. She’s been out of rehab for months and she said she’s doing better. So, I wanted to hear for myself if that was really true.”

  “Oh.” Ben studied Bianca’s face. A girl needs her mom. “Is she better?”

  “Yeah, she’s been clean for eight months and has a job. She even got her own place. She says it’
s small, but there’s room for us,” Bianca explained, her face lighting up.

  Ben felt a pang of regret in his heart. Out of his three daughters, only Bianca remembered what it was like to live in a house with both her mother and father. She even remembered the days when they were a happy family that went to the park on Sundays and ate dinner together every night.

  “I want to see her,” Bianca said.

  “Mom’s been clean before. What makes you think now is any different?” Bev asked.

  Bianca glanced over her shoulder at her sisters. “I don’t know. It just feels different.”

  “Can we go now?” Billie asked. “It’s just one drama after another with you people.”

  “Seriously,” Bev agreed. “If it weren’t for Paige, I’d be asking to live with Grandma right now.”

  “She does make great cookies,” Billie said.

  “Dad, I want to see Mom.”

  “We’ll talk about it later, Bianca. You girls go get in the Jeep.”

  “Do you see how late you made us, Bianca?” Billie asked as she opened the door to the garage.

  “Shut up, and get moving already,” Bianca snapped.

  The girls walked into the garage and shut the door behind them. Alone in the family room, Ben leaned against the back of the couch and rubbed his head.

  Do I let Bianca see Evelyn or not? If I keep the girls away from her, they’ll never find out how this all started. So much has happened since then…

  Bianca was three when Ben’s then-wife Evelyn discovered him making out with the next-door neighbor in their backyard. Evelyn had been a sweet, innocent Christian girl up until that point. They’d married in college and she’d dropped out when she’d gotten pregnant. Her life had revolved around her family, so she forgave him that one indiscretion. Ben knew he broke her heart that day. He’d seen the hurt in her eyes as she’d scooped up their child and ran inside. Still, Evelyn had wanted to believe in him so she did her best to continue on as if nothing had happened.

  She wanted to believe in me the same way Paige wants to.

  But the neighbor was just one of Ben’s many women, as Evelyn would come to learn. The discovery of his affairs led to a wicked pattern in their marriage. She’d find proof of an affair, they’d fight, have angry sex and she’d forgive him until the next girl came along. After a few years of this, Ben noticed that Evelyn stopped asking why he wasn’t home for dinner or where he went when he left for hours at a time. Her eyes were glazed as she went through the motions of being a mom and a wife. He figured she’d accepted that’s how their marriage was going to be and didn’t ask about the pills she hid in her underwear drawer.