After It's Over Read online

  “I didn’t realize how late it is. You have to go to bed,” Paige said.

  I fed them copious amounts of sugar and kept them up too late. Yep, ‘Stepmom of the Year’ right here, folks.

  “Tomorrow’s Saturday, remember?” Bev replied. She yawned and patted her stomach. “I’m tired and full. I think I’ll head up to bed anyway.”

  “Brush your teeth, okay?”

  Bev nodded and waved goodnight. Paige waited until she was out of sight before letting out a loud groan. Ben still wasn’t home, and she needed to face the hard truth. She’d been naïve with Matt, but she wasn’t going to be that way with Ben.

  There are so many of the same red flags. He’s out late. He won’t answer his cell phone half the time, and he’s vague about his whereabouts when he finally comes home. I need to face it—he’s having an affair. And this is what I get for marrying a guy that I dated for like two seconds. Well, at least we’ve only been married a year and not twenty. But what about the kids? How will they take it if I jump ship? Could I really do that to them?

  “Paige!” Bianca’s panicked voice called out to her from the family room.

  The fire alarm is constantly going off around here.

  “Paige!”

  “I’m coming!” Flustered, she hurried down the stairs with a dishtowel in hand.

  ***

  The family room was the most comfortable room in the house, which was why it was always a mess, despite Paige’s best efforts to get the girls to clean up after themselves. Games littered the floor like land mines, and toys stood like soldiers at attention. The huge overstuffed sofa doubled as a trampoline in front of Ben’s plasma television. She carefully navigated the chaos to reach Bianca’s huddled figure on the couch.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She hit me in the nose! I think that freak broke it!” Bianca replied.

  The teenage girl’s large brown eyes filled with tears as she clutched her nose. Blood dripped from between her fingers. Several drops plopped onto the white couch.

  Only Ben would insist on white furniture with kids in the house.

  “What exactly happened?” Paige asked. She gingerly pulled Bianca’s hand away from her nose and placed the dishtowel under it. “Lean forward, please.”

  “Billie sucks,” Bianca muttered. “Worst little sister ever.”

  “Billie, what did you do?” Paige glanced over at her youngest stepdaughter.

  “I was just being a puppy,” she replied matter-of-factly.

  Six-year-old Billie sat perched on the other end of the couch. She grinned impishly and assumed the position of a puppy begging for treat. She pawed at Paige to distract her from Bianca’s obvious distress.

  Is this age appropriate behavior, or should I be making an appointment with a therapist?

  “You attacked me! You crazy little freak!” Bianca yelled.

  Billie stuck out her tongue and taunted her older sister until Paige gave her a you-better-knock-that-off look.

  “I’m going to kill you!” Bianca shrieked.

  “No one is killing anyone! Bianca, calm down. I need to see if your nose is broken,” Paige said. She’d played enough basketball in high school to know what a broken nose looked like.

  “Don’t touch it!” Bianca pushed her hand away.

  “It’s either me touching it or us spending the rest of the night in the emergency room with some of the weirdest people you will ever meet.”

  “How do you know they’ll be weird?” Billie asked.

  “My ex-boyfriend’s dad was a doctor. He said that every full moon, which it is tonight, the ER would fill up with the biggest nut jobs in town.”

  Paige pushed the thought of Kade out of her mind. She couldn’t think about his father, the doctor, without thinking of him.

  “Is that true?” Bianca asked.

  “Yes, I ended up in the ER on a full moon once, and there were plenty of crazy people. So, can I please check your nose?”

  Bianca nodded. Paige lightly touched her nose. There was slight swelling, but it didn’t appear to be broken.

  “Why were you in the ER?” Billie asked. She curled her body into a ball along the back of the couch; she looked like a kitten.

  “Um…” Paige hadn’t seen that question coming, and she wasn’t prepared to tell them the truth. “Can you breathe through your nose okay?”

  “Yeah, it mostly just stings,” Bianca answered, her eyes fixed on Billie.

  “I don’t think it’s broken. Let’s put an icepack on it to keep it from swelling though.” Paige looked over her shoulder. “Billie!”

  The tiny girl stuck her tongue out and thumbed her nose at Bianca.

  It’s moments like this when I could really use some help.

  “Billie, go get an ice pack out of the freezer. Then we’ll talk about why you attacked your sister,” Paige ordered.

  “I told you already. I was expressing myself by pretending to be a dog,” Billie said, as if every other person in the world pretended to be a dog at one point or another.

  It’s late. I’m tired and I have no idea how to reason with this child. Where’s Ben?

  Paige frowned. “Don’t you ever just want to be a little girl?”

  Billie cocked her head to one side as if the question were too perplexing to answer. She blinked, shrugged and bounced up the stairs toward the kitchen.

  “She’s a freak,” Bianca said.

  “That’s not nice. She’s just…” Paige shrugged. She tried to think of a positive adjective for Billie’s behavior, but couldn’t.

  “Is my nose going to be normal by next week? The ninth grade dance is Friday, and Nick is going to be there. And since Madison likes him too, I have to look good. Well, not just good—great. I have to look great.”

  Bianca’s face radiated the dramatic seriousness of a fourteen-year-old girl who thinks a school dance is the most important event in her life.

  “Is Nick the half-naked boy that I found in your room?”

  “No, that was Bobby.”

  “I’m confused. Who do you like—Bobby or Nick?” Paige scratched her head and tried to remember if life was that complicated for her at that age.

  No, it wasn’t like this because I had Kade. It was always just Kade.

  “I like them both,” Bianca said, her eyes averted.

  There’s more to this than she’s saying.

  Billie returned with an ice pack and Paige lost the chance to inquire further. Not that I think she’d tell me anyway. She gently placed the ice pack on Bianca’s nose and motioned for her to hold it.

  “It’s cold.”

  “Yeah, that’s kind of the point. It’ll help with the swelling.” Paige pushed a strand of Bianca’s long brown hair out of her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile.

  “It’s going to be okay.”

  “I don’t know. That nose looks pretty gross to me!” Billie blurted out.

  “Does it look that bad?” Bianca cried.

  Without waiting for an answer, she sprung up from the couch and raced up the stairs to the second floor. Paige’s eyes narrowed, focusing in on Billie. The little girl gulped. Her smirk disappeared as she backed away from the couch where Paige sat.

  “You don’t think you did anything wrong, do you?” Paige asked.

  “Nope.” Billie flipped her hair and grinned.

  Paige raised an eyebrow; she studied her stepdaughter. Billie was small for her age and was often mistaken for being younger. Her long dark hair, big brown eyes and pale skin made her seem like a precious doll and not the precocious little pistol she actually was. What Billie lacked in size, she more than made up for with attitude. Charming and evasive, she was highly skilled at manipulating adults in order to get her way. Paige, however, was immune to her skills. She saw her stepdaughter for exactly who she was––charming, intelligent and completely undisciplined.

  “You have to be respectful to the people around you. You can’t just go around attacking people!”

&n
bsp; “Well, maybe I wouldn’t have done it if you took better care of me,” the little girl retorted.

  Like I don’t already agonize on a daily basis about whether I’m a good stepmom or not. Don’t get upset, Paige. You know she’s just working you.

  “Don’t put this back on me. You know better than to hurt your sister. There are consequences for that type of behavior,” Paige said.

  “Can I go live with my mom?” Billie yawned and stretched.

  “No, Billie. Mommy is sick and needs time to get better. Besides, you can’t ask to go live with another parent just because the one you’re with punishes you.”

  “But I want to go see my mommy. Why can’t I see her?”

  “Well, that’s a complicated question.” Paige gulped.

  How do I explain drug addiction to a child? I can’t. It’s late, and I don’t have it in me to even try.

  “Why don’t you call her tomorrow and ask if you can visit next weekend? Maybe you could hang out for a couple of hours.”

  “I don’t want to visit. I want to go live with her. Where’s Daddy?”

  “I don’t know, kid.” I wish I knew. I wish he were here to take the insults and deal with each crisis. “When your dad comes home, you can ask him about living with your mom, okay?”

  “Okay.” Billie eyed Paige warily. “Am I really getting consequences?”

  “Yep. You’re grounded for a week. No television, computer games or sleepovers with Danielle.”

  Billie’s face registered her shock and disbelief. The computer and television she could live without, but her best friend? Well, that was worth a few genuine tears.

  “A week?” she repeated. Fat tears coated her thick eyelashes.

  “Yes, a week. You hurt your sister. Now go apologize to her and make it good.”

  Billie let out a low wail that sounded a lot like the wounded howl of a cat. She begrudgingly headed up the stairs to find her oldest sister. Paige gave her a thirty second head start before she climbed up the stairs after her. She wanted to make sure the little imp actually apologized. Noise from Bev and Billie’s room drew her attention. The door was open a crack so Paige peered in.

  Bianca and Billie were on Billie’s bottom bunk bed while Bev appeared to be reading and ignoring them from the top bunk. Bianca sat on her little sister’s legs.

  “Get off me, Bianca!” Billie raised her hand to smack her sister in the face.

  Bianca grabbed her hand and held it down. “Not until you agree to stop giving Paige a hard time.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Billie squirmed and tried to push her sister off.

  “I heard what you said about her not taking care of you. You’re too little to remember, but there were days when Mom wouldn’t remember to feed us. Why do you think we ended up here?” Bianca asked.

  Billie looked at her blankly. “I don’t know. I just figured Daddy wanted us more.”

  “Have you met our father? He only took us because social services said being with him was the safest place for us.” Bianca held her sister’s arms down as the younger girl swung at her again.

  Bev can seriously read through anything.

  “But Mommy loves us!” Billie’s voice squeaked as she fought to get out from underneath Bianca.

  “Yes, she loves us. But she also loves Vodka, Tequila and Jimmy who lives down the street. Paige is nice to us, feeds us, and even takes care of us when we’re sick. Do you see Dad doing any of that?”

  “No.”

  Paige watched as Billie relented and Bianca let her go. Billie folded her arms and looked petulantly at her sister.

  “Then why are you tormenting the only person who actually cares about us?” Bianca asked.

  “You’re one to talk. You said you hated her tonight,” Bev said.

  “Well, I didn’t mean it. Not really anyway. So let’s make a pact that we’ll all be nicer to Paige. Maybe she’ll stick it out a little longer with Dad if we’re nicer,” Bianca said.

  There was a tense pause as Bianca waited for a response from her sisters.

  “Don’t look at me,” Bev called down. “I’m always nice to her. You two are the jerks.”

  “Alright, I’ll be nicer,” Billie said. “But it won’t be easy.”

  “Yeah, yeah. We all know you live to torment, squirt,” Bianca responded. “Turn out the light when I leave.”

  Paige took that as her cue to slip away. Stunned by Bianca’s words, she walked back to the kitchen and sat down at the table. She put her head in her hands and sobbed. Part of her really wanted to leave Ben and forget she had ever married him, but there were the kids to consider.

  How could I leave them? They’ll be back to eating Top Ramen every night while their dad is out with his latest conquest. Maybe I can stick it out a little bit longer…I’m just so tired.

  ***

  “Paige!” Ben’s voice was loud enough to wake the dead.

  She sat up with a start and realized she’d fallen asleep at the kitchen table. Her husband loomed over her; he reeked of Whiskey.

  “Are you drunk?” she asked.

  “I might have had a few drinks,” he replied with a sloppy smile. “Want to go upstairs and get naked?”

  Paige stood up and raised her hands. “No. Emphatically no.”

  “Why not, baby? Don’t you want some of this hot lovin’?”

  Ben was an attractive guy. He stood well over six feet tall, had thick, wavy blonde hair and a muscular build. Yet, Paige was completely disgusted as he patted his stomach and danced awkwardly around the kitchen. He stumbled and fell backwards onto his butt. She shook her head as he scrambled to get to his feet.

  “Do you have any idea what I’ve dealt with tonight?” she asked.

  “Um, no,” Ben said.

  In spite of his fall, he continued to dance around, trying to enchant her with his lack of rhythm and the unpleasant swaying of his hips. He paused to hug her, but Paige pushed him off.

  He’s a bad husband and an even worse dancer.

  “I found Bianca in her room with a boy tonight. She was half naked and had condoms, so it’s safe to say she wasn’t studying.”

  Ben’s dancing came to an abrupt halt.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I found your fourteen-year-old daughter half-naked with a boy in her room.” Paige folded her arms across her chest and gave her husband a hard look.

  Ben frowned; his levity dissipated as he collapsed into a nearby chair. He rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand.

  “Where was I?”

  “I don’t know. Where were you, Ben?” Paige drew a deep breath. “Are you having an affair?”

  “No, but…”

  “But what?” she pressed.

  Drunken stupors were the only time when Paige could catch Ben with his guard down. The alcohol lowered his inhibitions enough that he was actually honest and semi-decent to her. She wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass even though she was exhausted.

  “There’s this girl at work and we’ve spent some time together.”

  “You mean Beth, right?”

  Ben nodded. “I know it’s wrong. It’s just…”

  “It’s just what?”

  I’m working my butt off, and he’s out with his ex-girlfriend. I could kick him right now. Breathe. Just breathe before you completely lose it.

  “I love you, Paige. I have loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you in that bar. But I’m not good at marriage. Not good at all,” Ben said quietly. “I need to talk to Bianca.” He stood up and took several steps toward the stairs to the second floor.

  Paige grabbed his arm. “Not like this. Your daughter doesn’t need to see you like this.”

  “Right,” Ben nodded. His stomach gurgled loud enough for her to hear it. “I don’t feel so well.”

  “Come on, you have to use the master bedroom bathroom,” she said as she guided him.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because Billie clogged th
e other one.”

  “She’s a tiny, little girl. How’d that happen?”

  “Trust me, Ben, you don’t want to know.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Paige felt restless, her mind filled with worries that were impossible to ignore. She didn’t believe Ben. In fact, she was quite sure there was more going on with him and Beth than he was letting on.

  What if they never really ended things? Would Ben do that to me? I don’t know. I’m not sure I even know him. Then there’s Bianca. What am I going to do about her?

  Squeezing her eyes shut, Paige tried to ignore the drunken snores that erupted every other minute from her husband. To her chagrin, he’d passed out on their bed before she could direct him to the basement where he usually slept. She had two options—endure the snores of a drunk or spend the rest of the night on a lumpy couch in the family room.

  Lumpy couch equals a backache tomorrow. Neither is a good option.

  Paige groaned and turned onto her side. She wrapped a pillow around her head, but it did nothing to drown out the noise. With a loud groan that she hoped would wake Ben, she tossed the pillow aside and flipped onto her back. Her eyes focused on the dimly lit ceiling.

  What are those brown spots? That’s right, Paige, think about the things that don’t matter in order to avoid what does. How did things get so bad?

  Sleep was futile; Paige surrendered to the thoughts that seeped to the forefront of her mind. There was one that tormented her more than the others. She mused over the choices Bianca’s mother seemed to have encouraged during her brief phone conversations with the girls over the last year.

  It’s all fun and creative parenting until Bianca turns up pregnant. No teenage girl should have to shop in the maternity section for prom. I, of all people, should know. I still mourn the child that almost was. How old would the baby be now? I’m thirty, so that would make he or she fourteen? Yikes! That’s about how old Bianca is. Kade would have been such a cute father. Most guys his age would have run, but not Kade. He was always such a good guy.

  The memory of Kade at sixteen took Paige back in time.

  ***

  Torrents of rain pounded the asphalt as sixteen-year-old Paige emerged from the Planned Parenthood clinic in South Tacoma. A stream of water poured off a leaky gutter above her head and rained onto her shoulders. The jacket she was wearing—the one she’d spent months saving for—was ruined, but she didn’t care. There was only one thing she could think about.