After It's Over Page 8

  “Okay, Daddy Dearest is a deadbeat. So, where’s their mom? Shouldn’t she be baking cookies with them?”

  “How’d you know we baked cookies?” Paige frowned. “Are you suddenly psychic?”

  “There’s flour on your jeans.”

  She looked down to see a big flour stain on her thigh.

  “I was in a hurry.”

  “Dirty jeans are very unlike you.” There was judgment in Drew’s tone.

  He looks like a psycho lumberjack and he’s giving me a hard time about dirty jeans. Brothers!

  “So, where’s their mom?” Drew asked again.

  “Their mother is a drug addict who lives with her dealer.”

  Paige considered adding that their father was most likely a cheating bastard too, but without proof she figured it was better to leave that part out.

  “Ben is their father. In their mother’s absence, he’s legally obligated to take care of them.”

  Between the sleep deprivation and caffeine buzz, he’s really amped up.

  “Ben just doesn’t care. He’s completely thoughtless about their health and well-being. Last summer he took the younger two girls swimming and didn’t think to put sunscreen on them. They came home with really bad sunburns. If he can’t even be bothered to make sure his kids are wearing sunscreen, will he feed them? Or make sure their homework is done? Will he even take them to school?” Paige rested her head in her hands. “If I leave, there’s no one to take care of them.”

  “Paige, you can’t save everyone—no matter how much you want to.”

  She looked at Drew. He was living proof that she was failing miserably at saving anyone.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.”

  “I’m the older brother. I was supposed to be there for you, and if I hadn’t been so hell bent on destroying my liver, I would have insisted that you dump Ben because you don’t belong with him.”

  “Yeah, well, we should get going. You’re supposed to be there in five—”

  “Don’t change the subject. You belong with Kade. I know it, and deep down, you know it. It’s time for you to stop your self-imposed penance and go back to him.” Drew’s voice was earnest. “What happened was not your fault.”

  “We really should get going.” Paige looked away, her eyes filled with tears. She was careful not to let them fall. She pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her eyes.

  Our parents’ death was absolutely my fault.

  “No, you get going. I’m going to walk from here.”

  “Why?” She scanned her brother’s face for some sign he was offended.

  “Because I need a walk in the manure-scented air to clear my head.” Drew smiled. “I want to savor the last of my freedom for awhile. From here on out, I’ll be answering to someone else.” He opened the car door and gave her a reassuring smile.

  “You’ll call if you need anything, right?” Paige asked. “I hate to let you go when I just got you back.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, sis. See you on family day?”

  “For sure.”

  Paige watched her brother walk away. He flung his jacket over one shoulder and awkwardly wheeled his carry-on along the gravel road. From the back, he looked like the same guy who had wept at their parents’ graves.

  But he’s not that same guy. He’s hardened, jaded even, and I still feel like it’s my fault. Would he have understood if I said that I stayed with Ben because I don’t deserve to be happy? If I hadn’t gotten pregnant it would have been just another day; they would still be here.

  ***

  Her parents’ memorial service took place a week after they died. With Drew trying to get home from his East Coast college and no immediate family in the area that left the planning to Paige, who was stuck in the hospital for several days after their deaths. For the first two days, she was medicated around the clock. The mental picture of her parents’ horrific death played over and over again in her head. Tormented, she woke up every hour screaming at the top of her lungs.

  By the third day, the threat of further sedation was enough encouragement for her to remain calm. Kade was with her, always by her side. His mom brought him fresh clothes; the only time he left was to go to the bathroom. Those were foggy times in her memory, filled with torment and anguish. She didn’t know it was possible to cry that much.

  Their priest, Father John, had suggested a graveside service. The normally gregarious priest was visibly nervous as they discussed the arrangements. He was careful not to mention the circumstances surrounding her parents’ death; and he did not offer words of comfort as to what they might look forward to in the afterlife. Paige forced herself not to ponder the fate of her parents’ souls. She just nodded and agreed to the funeral and burial arrangements that were laid out. She was an easy sell, but Drew, was another story. He and Father John had argued for an hour on the phone. Drew wanted their father cremated without a funeral and his mother buried in the local cemetery. He had always hated their father and blamed him for everything. Hearing of Paige’s distress at the situation, he relented and agreed to a joint funeral and adjacent burial plots.

  They kept the service small, only family and a few cherished friends. There was no police escort or funeral procession for their father. Paige couldn’t stand the idea of glorifying the man who had beaten and abused her mother for almost twenty years. Their mother had killed their father, but she was driven to an act of violence that went against her passive and sweet nature. So the service was quiet, simple and over in minutes.

  After everyone but Kade was gone, Paige stood in front of their graves. She wore the black suit her mother had bought her the year before; she pinned her hair into a bun just like her mother used too. She clutched a bouquet of red roses that someone had handed her. Paige watched, her face devoid of emotion, as the gravediggers heaped one shovel of dirt after another onto their coffins. Kade called out to her, it was time to leave for the wake, but she didn’t hear a word. It took several tries before he was able to break through.

  “Paige?” His eyes were rimmed with red; he hadn’t slept in days.

  “Mom hated red roses. She said they were a cliché.”

  “Right. She loved the yellow ones,” Kade said. He stared at the ground and nudged a clump of grass with his foot.

  “I won’t be around to make sure she gets the right kind of flower. She deserves the right kind of flower.” Paige looked at the roses in her hands and began to tear them apart. “I don’t know what’s wrong with these people.”

  “They didn’t know,” Kade’s voice was calm. He reached for her hands, but she turned away from him. “As long as I live in this city, I promise to make sure your mom’s grave gets the right kind of flowers.”

  “Thank you.” Paige looked around; everyone else was gathered near their cars or driving away. “We should go.” Her voice was soft. She felt the tears beginning to come again and fumbled around for the handkerchief that someone had given her during the eulogies.

  “We don’t have to go to the wake. We could just leave. We could drive off into the sunset and start over somewhere else.” His eyes were hopeful, and that made Paige angry.

  “No, we can’t. My grandmother is insisting I either go to Ireland with my aunt or home with her. Only I’m not sure where exactly she lives because I don’t even know her.” Her voice cracked.

  She wanted to hold her emotions together, to be strong and stoic like Drew, but she just couldn’t. Anger, fear, and sadness washed over her.

  “They’re sending you away? They can’t send you away.” Kade sounded shocked; he looked as if he might break down.

  “I’m sixteen. They can do whatever they want.” Paige drew a deep breath. “Besides, this situation is all my fault. My parents were fighting because their daughter got pregnant. We were stupid…I was stupid. We shouldn’t have gotten so serious!”

  Paige dropped the battered flowers, grabbed at her hair, and tore out her bun. Kade tried to hold her, but she push
ed him away.

  “No, don’t do that. We can’t be together anymore! Don’t you see what I’ve done?”

  The color drained from his face; she’d knocked the wind out of him.

  “You don’t mean that, Paige. You’re upset—”

  “My parents are dead! Dead! And it’s because of us.” Sobbing into her hands, Paige dropped to her knees.

  Kade bent down to console her, but she pushed his hands away. She clutched at her side and moaned.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine!”

  Her response was swift and hollow. Her mascara ran in droves down her cheeks, her hair hung in tatters, around her face and her pants were muddy from the fresh rain. But none of that mattered. She was angry and tired. Defeated. Her whole life felt like a lie. Her parents were supposed to care for and protect her. Instead, they’d abandoned her before she even finished high school. But she couldn’t hate them. She felt too guilty to do that.

  Kade took a step back from her. He always knew exactly what she was feeling and in that moment when their eyes met, she knew he sensed her guilt. She also knew he was going to let her go. He understood her need to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of justice. Still, she said the words anyway.

  “It’s over, Kade. I don’t love you anymore.” Paige felt her heart split in two.

  Her words were a punch to the gut; he doubled over briefly. Slowly, he nodded and turned away from her. He walked several steps and stopped. He looked over his shoulder as he spoke.

  “Let me know when you decide to come home.”

  Paige didn’t watch him leave. She knew if she had, she would have lost her nerve and gone after him. She sobbed in the dirt until one of the groundskeepers picked her up and gave her a ride home. The world became a grayer place that day. Kade was her port in every storm; he offered up hope at the end of every dark road, and he could always be counted on to laugh at her jokes, whether they were funny or not. He was more than her boyfriend—he was her best friend. Every guy that came after him was just a poor substitute for the original.

  ***

  “Miss?”

  A sharp knock on her window yanked Paige back to reality. She turned to see an annoyed security guard standing outside her car. She rolled the window down.

  “Yes?”

  “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah, I was just lost in thought.”

  I was just sitting here wondering why I lied to the love of my life and told him that I didn’t love him when he’s the only guy I have ever truly loved.

  “You can’t park here, ma’am. This is a private road and you need to either move on or turn around and exit,” he said with a sweeping motion of his hand.

  “Sorry. I’ll get going right now.”

  Paige rolled up the window, put the car in gear, and backed out slowly. She maneuvered out to the main road; she was grateful the car didn’t die in the process. Paige drove back to Ben and the kids, her mind filled with thoughts of the man she’d always loved.

  Does he still think about me?

  CHAPTER NINE

  Kade stood outside Katie’s Flower Shop, waiting for Katie’s granddaughter, Erin, to open the door. He had to buy flowers before getting to the station. If he was lucky and there were no major crimes, he’d be able to take them to their destination on a short lunch break. He checked his watch and frowned; Erin was late.

  “You do know it’s Monday, right?” a female voice asked.

  Kade turned to see Erin holding a cup of Starbucks with a sullen expression on her face. She’s still pissed about last week.

  “Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it the other night. Work was really busy and time just got away from me.”

  If I tell her that I’m just not interested, she will never sell me flowers again.

  “Whatever. Your loss.”

  Erin glared at him, shifted the messenger bag that was slung across her shoulder, and motioned for him to step aside. She unlocked the door and walked inside. The heavy antique door slammed shut behind her; it narrowly missed the end of Kade’s nose.

  “Yep, she’s pissed,” he muttered. He flung the door open and went in.

  A visit to Katie’s Flower Shop was the equivalent of stepping into a time capsule. The shop was dated, being one of the few remaining buildings in Tacoma from the 1950’s. The tiled floor was chipped and the woodwork was in need of refinishing, but the store had a distinct charm and warmth—like a visit to Grandma’s house. There were several flower shops closer to Kade’s house, but he only shopped there. Katie had been a close friend of his grandmother and her store was one of the few to carry the yellow rose that Mrs. Birch had deemed her favorite flower.

  “Yesterday was the fourth Sunday of the month, so I had your roses waiting and like last week, you never showed,” Erin said. “What happened to you?” She reached into her bag and pulled out a muffin.

  “I had a stakeout, got hungry, bought a tamale out of a guy’s trunk, and spent the rest of the night crouched behind my car, vomiting up everything I’ve ever eaten.”

  Erin looked at the muffin in her hand and set it down. “You could have just said you were sick.”

  Kade tried not to smile. He scanned the well-stocked shop for the bouquet of yellow roses that she had earmarked for him.

  “So, where are they? I need to get to the station.”

  “I sold them.”

  “You what?” His mouth dropped open.

  “I sold them. It was almost closing and you hadn’t called or texted, so I sold them to a guy who needed something to cheer up his wife after he suggested she join Cross Fit.”

  Erin put an apron on and pulled her long, blonde hair back with the rubber band she had around her wrist.

  “I don’t understand.” Kade looked around for the flowers.

  She’s kidding. She didn’t really sell them. She’s just trying to torture me.

  “Well, she assumed—based on his suggestion—that he was really saying she was fat and flipped out. He said he couldn’t handle another night on the couch and needed something special. Your flowers fit the bill.” Erin smiled smugly.

  Kade shook his head. “I meant that I don’t understand why you sold my flowers.”

  “Because you didn’t show up.”

  Erin’s double meaning was not lost on Kade.

  “So pull out a few more yellow roses, wrap them up and I’ll be on my way.”

  “We’re all sold out. There was some festival in Puyallup and they took our entire inventory. How about some nice daisies instead?” She held up a daisy that seemed to be an afterthought just lying on the counter.

  “No!” Kade growled. He was tired and in no mood for her ditzy routine. “Yesterday was her birthday and yellow roses were her favorite. It has to be yellow roses.”

  I have to keep this promise. It’s the only thing still connecting me to Paige.

  “I always wondered who you wanted those flowers for, but my mother said it was none of my business. But I have to know—who is she? Some chick you met in a bar?” Erin’s cheeks colored. She was just as unhappy with him as he was with her.

  “No one you know.”

  We’re not even dating and she’s jealous. Good grief. I don’t have time for this.

  Kade rubbed his head. In fourteen years, this was the first time he’d go to her grave empty handed. He turned on his heel and yanked the shop door open. The little bell above the door swung so hard it didn’t ring. He stormed out; Erin called to him.

  “Head to Safeway. Their flowers go over well with the low-end crowd!”

  Kade ignored her, got in his car, and headed to the station. The drive passed in a blur; he was furious that he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise.

  ***

  “You’re late, Sheriff,” Joan said as he entered the station and passed her desk. His overweight secretary peered over the top of her glasses at him.

  “I had an errand to run,” he replied.

  “Tha
t’s no excuse to be late.” She took a sip from a large mug that read ‘I’m the Boss’.

  “Didn’t you give me that mug last Christmas?”

  “Yeah, so?” she replied.

  Kade grunted at Joan and headed toward the back of the station. He walked past the friendly eyes of a new female deputy, ignored the highway patrolman camped out in the corner, and went into his office. He shut the door and drew the blinds. He needed a minute to rest his aching head and collect his thoughts. Kade put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. He thought about the yellow flowers.

  Mrs. Birch always kept a vase full of them on her kitchen table.

  His tired mind receded into the past, recalling the last time he had been in that kitchen.

  ***

  “I made dinner, so you two can clean up,” Mrs. Birch announced, standing up from the table. She patted her short black hair and took off her apron. “I wonder where your father is.”

  “Go relax, Mom. Kade and I can handle a few dishes,” Paige said. “You take pots and pans, and I’ll load the dishes.”

  “Can’t we just load the pots and pans into the dishwasher?” he asked.

  Mrs. Birch clasped her arthritic hands together and shook her head. There was a worried look on her face and concern in her eyes. Kade chalked it up to her being rather OCD.

  “We don’t put pots and pans in the dishwasher,” Mrs. Birch said.

  “I know! We scrub them. Go already. Kade and I can figure this out.” Paige practically pushed her mother out of the kitchen while he cleared the table.

  “She seems more worried than usual,” he said.

  “Yeah, my dad’s been worse lately, if you can believe it.” Paige filled the sink with warm water and half a bottle of dish soap. “Let’s not talk about them. Let’s talk about something happy.”

  “Okay, I aced my Biology exam.”

  “Awesome! You are totally going to get into med school, and I’m going to get into law school and we will live happily ever after.”